In just a few weeks from now the holiday season will be upon us. The relentless onslaught of hours, hours and HOURS of Christmas music, sharing nutmeg flavored cookies from a tin can and crack-ish retail discount promotions will be dancing in our heads. Somehow, within all of this mayhem the retailers have conjured up a fire truck red, adult size, fleece onesie wearin', oatmeal cookie smashin', overweight lover name Santa Claus! This fool called "Santa Claus" will have you (or already has) brainwashed like the millions of others into thinking you are a terrible individual if you do not drop five stacks on a credit card for bunch of crap that you may not be able to find or use 365 days from now.
Who is Santa Claus? Believe it or not Santa Claus was actually a real person, but he didn't go under the name Santa Claus. In fact he was a Turkish brother named St. Nicholas who lived about 300 years after the birth of Christ. The word on the street was; he was really a cool kat who looked out for people, posted bond for a few young ladies, popped dozens of bottles of extra Virgin olive oil in marketplace square and help some of his homies get their chariots with the wood grain wheel out of the shop. St. Nicholas coolness was so profound that he went down in history as one of the greatest saints of all-time. Please let's not forget someway or another he became associated with the birth of Christ.... Please do not ask me how!
People. Now that you have a little backstory, let's put more emphasis on how we can avoid being one of Santa's ho ho ho's.
Rule number one: have a budget and stick to it. Just for example: if you're going to spend $1500 dollars for Christmas be honest with yourself and your family and do just that. There's nothing like carrying old debt into the new year, and then going ape shit on the payroll department because you're fiendin' for your W-2s in January to help pay down your revolving Christmas debt at 29.999% APR!
Rule number two: Pay in cash whenever possible! Because when the money is gone, it is gone! I know some of you guys like to use the credit cards to get the points or rewards and pay it off within thrity days but not everybody is so disciplined. Honestly, that's how most of you got into this mess in the first place because you never pay the balance off in full. If you really don't trust yourself, I highly recommend the old school method just like how Grandma Geraldine used to do - Layaway!
Rule number three: Buy your gifts over time instead of in one pay period. I have heard of individuals who will not pay their car note or other utilities so they can cover Christmas expenses during the month of December. I have one word for that! - Ohellnah! Start shopping early like the end of August or September. Have a strategy to shop online and at the brick-and-mortar for prices and availability. I believe this method will limit some of the impulse buying we tend to get into when you know you are pressed for time and trying to meet expectations. This plan will cut the chances of you going into a shopping frenzy because you know and I know you'll be asking yourself in January why in the hell did I buy that?... Because they don't even make laser disc players anymore!
Keep it real. When your kids are little sugar dumplings still drooling and pooping all over themselves it is kind of fun to play Santa Claus with them and see how they react to all the festive decor and gifts under the tree. But once those little cherubs turn into mood swinging, "I didn't do that" certified crumb snatchers requesting a particular brand or model number of a hundred dollar electronic gizmo that YOU haven't bought for yourself - Playa please! Tell 'dem folks I'm Santa and dammit the Easter Bunny too! Everything you see was bought by me with four pints of blood, six and half gallons of sweat and not one tear, because I was so gotdamn dehydrated working nineteen days straight for all the lovely gifts under the tree. Thank you!
If you don't get anything from this write up you need to understand that Santa Claus is a mindset not a mythical being who lands on your roof knocking off your satellite dish with a herd of flea infested reindeer and a plethora of gifts. If it moves you, check Google maps next time for the North Pole and you will not find a house there either. Hear me: Do not put yourself in debt, especially revolving debt to find the meaning of Christmas. Once again, Santa Claus is you! Now don't get me wrong, I am not slamming the Spirit of Christmas, because I personally see Christmas as an opportunity for fellowship with love ones, giving blessing to others (it doesn't have to be a actual gift) and the opportunity to reflect on the year's past and how to grow as a person into the future. Finally, please take heed to this omen so you will not fall into the trap of being one of Santa's ho ho ho's!
